Learning sexual continence is a kind of leitmotif in a couple relationship. It comes over and over again.
We cannot say that in a couple relationship we learn sexual continence, because it is not something that you learn once and that is it. It is something that becomes perfect, it is something that takes us to extraordinary experiences and we can say that in a couple relationship the two lovers must constantly learn and deepen the state of sexual continence. In this way we start learning better and better how to make the other one happy in many aspects, which we did not even suspect in the beginning.
Learning sexual continence has another clear effect – the game of polarities. In the couple relationship it is extremely important to manifest this game of polarities. It is one of the fundamental lessons of the couple relationships. When we make love with continence and we aim to have this state of continence and to make it perfect, we deepen the polarization in the couple. The man becomes more and more man and the woman becomes more and more woman. Through this subtle exchange between the two lovers, also the polar aspects within their being is awakened, thus they reach the state of androgyny.
Suppose we engage in a couple relationship and the man has a mediocre virility and the woman has a mediocre femininity, and after one year they notice they are almost at the same level, the aspect regarding sexual continence had stagnated. If, looking back, they notice that their state of masculinity and femininity has amplified a lot, this shows that their erotic game has a good sexual continence. They have improved it. It is very practical. The attraction between the two lovers is maintained if the difference of their potentials increases – he amplifies his masculinity and she amplifies her femininity. This is done by deepening sexual continence. If we consider this properly, we can attract miracles, even if not from the beginning, because at the beginning things are new, we are overwhelmed of so many wonderful elements. If we continue to improve our sexual continence, the miracles will appear in time – we will notice that after 5 years the attraction between us is much stronger then in the beginning. After 10 years, the attraction is infinitely stronger then in the beginning. There is a huge difference of potential that increases very much, it is visible. If we do not keep ourselves in a continuous state of perfecting sexual continence, we should not be surprised that after a few years, according to the level we started, the attraction begins to diminish.
The orgasmic ability of the couple is extremely important.
Usually, masculine continence is reduced to avoiding ejaculation. This is only the first step in being continent. It is a fundamental step, because without avoiding the discharge we cannot even talk about continence, but continence implies the ability of the two lovers to experience both individually as well as together, states of cosmic orgasm, of ecstasy, by experiencing that beneficial creative void that manifests in very special moment of hiatus in the moment of orgasm. This is very important, because, especially men know this, there is not the required clarity to deepen continence completely – meaning, men’s orgasmic capacity to experience repetitively the state of sublime cosmic orgasm without discharge.
Men usually say that they like it very much, they like it when their lover has orgasm and they feel her expansion: “I am happy to give her this happiness”. As Grieg says: “The ultimate happiness of the tantric is to make his lover extremely happy and the ultimate happiness of the tantric woman is to make her lover happy.” Personal practice is very important and avoiding ejaculation without the ability to improve continence so that there is the possibility to experience the multiple orgasm, or the orgasm on the higher chakras or the cosmic orgasm is a beginning stage and does not represent a progress regarding sexual continence. The dangers are great in this direction, especially in the case of man. Without realising, they become nostalgic for the states they once had and which now they do not find anymore.
This is an illusion, when they say that now they preserve their energy, but as long as these subconscious impurities grow and are fed with the frustrations of the man that never reaches a state of orgasm, not comparable to the state of orgasm he had before, but even bigger, much stronger and more fulfilling, all these states of unconscious frustrations will nourish specific dissatisfactions, which the respective man has in his subconscious and which can be different. They can amplify lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, stupid ideas such as: tantra is not so good, let the man who actually has 100 orgasms speak, all my friends are the same and in our men talk we conclude that yes, it is very good, we make love for 2-3-5-7 hours, but we do not reach the state of orgasm and everybody is happy with the possibility that ejaculation is avoided. This is extremely necessary, ejaculation must be suspended completely, but it is very important that both lovers reach these truly fundamental states.
Taken from "The spiritual couple relationship", conference kept by Mihai and Adina Stoian in 2006, in Costinesti - Romania.
Published by Natha.net