A couple relationship is a very dynamic life situation that produces transformations – this is the tendency.
Many times we tend to fight against these transformations. Instead of allowing the transformations suggested by their couple relationship, some people tend to maintain the same state, to obtain a sort of continuity of the relationship without the necessary transformation.
When we do this, we stop from that relationship. Sooner or later, we will become aware of the end. In a spiritual relationship, we must stay in a state of spiritual alertness. We must maintain the ability to learn continuously.
Who is not willing to learn in a couple relationship is ready to sacrifice the couple relationship for the well-being of the ego. From a different point of view, it is as if two parents want only to keep the child silent, at any price. They do not consider why the child cries. Maybe he is hungry… and when the child is quiet, they are happy. But maybe the child is dead. And then, he is quiet. This is not a solution. Out of unconsciousness, people involved in a couple relationship aim to keep the relationship quiet, so it does not give them any challenges. They want something warm, which does not disturb their mind or soul – their daily peace, and in this way they consider this is an ideal in the respective relationship. Even unconsciously they act like this. But this is a very serious mistake, because in those moments we oppose the most direct divine inspirations that come through the couple relationship. When we want the relationship to give us comfort, peace and no challenges, we react against this creative energy that manifests through the polar relationship.
The couple relationship starts with diminishing the ego – meaning, from a certain introspection. Due to ignorance, many people start their relationship from a state of exteriorization.
The ego does not have a beginning, but has an end. Wisdom has a beginning – the death of the ego and has no end.
Relationships based on ego do not have well defined beginning, because it was not a conscious action to engage in it. If the relationship is spiritual, in which we engage beyond the ego, full of love, the relationship is a conscious option. We are aware we are in that relationship, in that state of love and of the transformations it involves, which become permanent – we are no longer afraid of them. Then, the relationship is endless, because the transformations are endless.
When we engage in a couple relationship we will be exposed to transformations. For some, this is clear only as long as it is good, meaning as long as the limits are not crossed, as long as the ego is not endangered. A real couple relationship, a dynamic and strong couple relationship, is characterized by continuous transformation. It is does not protect the ego in any way. We must start with the idea that if we want to transform somebody, we have to start with ourselves. In a strong polar relationship there is the tendency – because the relationship itself indicates transformation – to want to transform the other one. This is a fundamental mistake.
First of all, we have to transform ourselves. Afterwards, we will notice that the relationship itself changes. Therefore, we say that in a loving and transfiguring couple it does not matter who is right, but it matters who loves. Whenever such situations of necessary transformation appear, which in the beginning are felt as tensions or as bigger or smaller limitations within the couple, there is the tendency to start separating who is right and who is wrong.
Anyway, the truth is in the middle. It is very important in such situations to focus on the state of love. In this way each person will transform, first of all, and automatically, if each one does this, when they look at the relationship, the relationship will already be transforming. Otherwise, there is the possibility that often appears in relationships – the two lovers lose their energy and time searching to see who is or who was right. This is not important. In such a difficult situation, if you focus on love, you also see who is right and who is wrong, but then it does not matter so much. Both lovers see this, but they are in the state of love. We have experienced this many times and it is important to remember these things consciously. There have been situations when we were trying to establish who is right. If in that moment we had stopped and said: "Let’s love each other", it does not matter who is right, if we love each other, we also see who is right. Then, the situation transforms instantly and we can see who is right.
Taken from "The spiritual couple relationship", conference kept by Mihai and Adina Stoian in 2006, in Costinesti - Romania.
Published by Natha.net