Another aspect – eliminating certain material aspects from the couple relationship
It is good if the couple relationship is an expression of endless love, which the lovers have from God and which they manifest towards each other.
Otherwise, the relationship is like a grave sheltering the ruins of what the two lovers once were. This means that if we are not careful, after the very strong energy of the beginning, after that magic moment of the beginning, when we have the benefit of love and the energy of the beginning, in those moments we tend to program the end, by making different association between our relationship and all kind of things that have no connection with love, such as: we love each other, we feel very good together and every morning we take a walk in the park, because we are in love with each other.
After a while, because we are both extrovert and we mistake the inside with the outside, we end up associating the state of love between us with walking in the park and other things. Soon, we tend to say that walking in the park is our love. In fact, walking in the park is just a consequence of our love, it is not the cause of it, of our happiness. We were happy or we were happy walking through the park because we loved each other, it is not that we loved each other because we were walking through the park.
The causal relationship is exactly the other way round. When we make such mistakes, we do not realize them, but let’s say we move in a place where there is no park. After about 4 days, he or she will say: “I do not think you still love me.” He/she does not even realize why he/she said it. He says: “It is the fourth day that we do not walk in the park. Remember how we used to walk, how beautiful it was, we were in love… now, for a week, we had been staying just inside the house, making love (ADINA)”. In that moment we place a burden that cannot be supported by this light energy like the energy of love.
The point is to not allow anything in between us, not the house that we buy together or anything else, no material attachments, no conventions, no rules. Later on, all these will become stones on the grave of our former relationship. If we do not pay attention, in our house, in the middle of the living room, there is a big grave stone saying: “Here lies our love relationship.” Many times we bury the relationship alive, because it does not die instantly, we burry it under a suffocating pressure of materialism, of different minor preoccupations.
If we are used to doing certain things together, especially in the moments of love, in the moments when we are exulted with this energy of love, and we do not pay attention to this associative process, in which we associate love with all these details, we can easily end up by placing our love relationship behind all kind of conventions and associations which have nothing to do with our initial love.
In this way, instead of amplifying it, we feel that the love diminishes, but it is exactly like the light of the sun, when we put sun glasses on and then we also put a scarf on our eyes, and then a metal helmet, and then we place our head in a concrete box… Nothing can come in. And then we say: “The light is off.” In those conditions, it would be a miracle to have the light on.
In order to solve these situations, especially for those who cannot see clearly these attachments between love and anything else, we must periodically do some cleaning up in the couple relationship. Exactly like spring house cleaning, when periodically you throw away everything that you do not need anymore. If you do not do this periodically, you find yourself suffocated by so many objects that you keep accumulating and storing.
From a certain point of view, this magic space of love ends up by being suffocated by all kind of furniture, by all kind of inert objects, all kind of states and things that have nothing to do with love, but which we associate, we bring them in the space of our love. It is good to make a general cleaning. It is very good if we raise this problem and focus on it. In the couple, the misunderstanding or the blind spots that the two lovers have are not in the same place.
For example, when one tends to say: “We do this because we love each other.” The other one will notice and will say: “Actually, no, it is not true. We love each other because we love each other; it is a gift from God. This is a consequence of our love, but it does not determine the love between us. It does not make it bigger or smaller, it comes from God, as it comes". Then, comes the situation when the one that was wise before will say: “Yes, but look, here we do this because we love each other.” And the other one will say: “Have you forgotten? We love each other and this is it. The rest are aspects of life.”
How did Mihai synthesized this principle? He used to make me aware, in those moments of great happiness and intimacy in the couple, about the love and not about what we did. For example, we went to see my parents. And because we did not do this too often, I was very happy to go there. And I had the tendency to be very grateful that finally, once a year or even longer, he comes with me to visit my parents. And I was full of happiness and I had the feeling that he loves me, and this is why he does this. And he constantly draw my attention, in many situation, while we were there or on our way there, he would say: “Do you realize that we love each other so much, and we do this and this happens and we go and see your parents”… he would say: “Do you realize we love each other very much and it has nothing to do with visiting your parents?”
This helped me later on, when he explained to me this principle, to purify our love relationship from these small attachments or secondary things which I considered attributes of love or certain proves of love and indeed, it had nothing to do with it, maybe to someone else they did not mean anything. For him, for sure, some of them did not represent sources of happiness or of love. Love was something else completely.
Taken from "The spiritual couple relationship", conference kept by Mihai and Adina Stoian in 2006, in Costinesti - Romania.
Published by Natha.net